Dog Jokes
3.5A Dog Named Sex
3.52nd place at Crufts Dog Show
3.2Clever dog
3.2Talking dog for sale
3.2Charles & the Genie
3.1One Smart Puppy
3.1Blind Mans Dog
3.1Good Dog...
3.1No dogs allowed?
3.0War wound?
more...




E-mail this joke to your friends
None of the names or e-mail addresses you enter will be stored or used for any other purpose than sending this joke.
Your nameYour e-mail address
Your friends name(s)Your friends e-mail address(es)
Optional comment
Homer on Married Life
Marge: I thought we agreed to consult each other before any major purchases.
Homer: Well, you bought all those smoke alarms, and we haven't had a single fire.
Marge: Mmm...

Homer: I can't fake an interest in this, and I'm an expert at faking an interest in your kooky projects.
Marge: What kooky projects?
Homer: You know, the painting class, the first aid course, the whole Lamaze thing.

Homer: Oh, honey, you're not the world's worst mother. What about that freezer lady in Georgia?

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Bart: Dad, I've got some bad news.
Homer: Oh, your mother's not pregnant, is she?

Homer: If you really need money, you can sell your kidney or even your car.

Marge: Well, maybe our next anniversary will be more romantic. Aww, look, Homey, our wedding cake!
Homer: You mean there's been cake in our freezer for eleven years? Why was I not informed?

Marge: I came to see you three times today. Twice you were sleeping, and once you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around!
Homer: Well! I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. I'm going to go right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba... [gets into bed] Eh, good-night.

Homer: Well, I really should discuss this with my wife.
Salesman: [scoffs] Your wife? [cracks an imaginary whip]
Homer: What, you think I'm going to buy a $20,000 truck just because you make that noise?
Salesman: [does it again] [and again] [and again]
Homer: [on his knees] I'll take it!

Homer: If you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!
Marge: Good!

Homer: Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

Homer: Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.

Marge: You could take an adult education course.
Homer: Oh, and how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: Homer's a very complicated man.
Homer: [smashing a plate over his head] WRONG!

Marge: And try to be nice to my sisters. It's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.
Homer: Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes...yes! Then, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes. Now _that's_ sarcasm.

Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man...which makes me the woman. I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to _reduce_ my boredom.

Marge: Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
You can rate this joke at
http://www.funny-haha.co.uk/LinkIn.asp?J=232
Latest Jokes
3.3More Horsemeat Jokes... Now With Added Shergar
3.4Horsemeat Jokes
2.9The ultimate ethnic joke
3.8Monkey
1.7Knock Knock 8
1.1Interupting sheep
2.1Snake School
2.4Scared Numbers
2.3Olympic Tan
2.3Job Applications

Subscribe to our Friday Joke email and receive the funniest jokes every Friday, totally free and with no ads.
Click here for more details
, or just enter your email address and press subscribe

unsubscribe
Casino Classic - Play with up to 500 FREE for 1 hour and keep any winnings!!!
20010 - Bitscape ltdContact Us | Privacy Policy