True Stories
4.4Sydney radio - This is a corker
4.1Council and housing association complaints
3.7This is a compilation of actual student GCSE (15/16 year old
3.7How to resign in style
3.7A bricklayer's accident report
3.6Word Perfect Helpline
3.6Is Hell Exothermic Or Endothermic?
3.6US naval ship and the Canadian authorities
3.6Received from an English professor
3.5In-flight hunour

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Homer one liners
Homer: Operator, give me the number for nine-one-one!

Homer: Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

Homer: Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England.

Homer: No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

Homer: Don't worry, Marge. America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe, but you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

Homer: Woo-hoo! I'm a college man! I won't need my high school diploma any more! [sets fire to it and starts singing] I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T...

Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14 percent of all people know that.

Homer: Aw, Dad. You've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man now, and old people are useless.

Homer: Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things!

Homer: Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Homer: The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek.

Homer: Forty seconds? But I want it now!

Homer: What's the point of going out? We're just gonna wind up back here anyway.

Homer: I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back.

Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, goodnight.

Homer: Pftt... Rules. I'm a rocker, I don't care for rules.

Homer: I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Homer: Well of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.

Homer: Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic.

Homer: You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

Homer: Well, at least I liked it. Didn't I?

Homer: I don't have to be careful. I got a gun.

Homer: Facts are meaningless, you can use facts to prove anything that's remotely true!

Homer: Trying is the first step towards failure.

Homer: My campaign is a disaster, Moe. I hate the public so much. If only they'd elect me, I'd make them pay.

Homer: Good things does not end with "ium". They end with "mania" or "teria".

Homer: [talking about his fatness] Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this.

Homer: The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth.

Homer: Stupid risks make life worth living.
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