Sport
3.4Fart Football
3.3Horse racing addiction
3.3Match of the day
3.1Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop
3.1Shady Past
3.0Mexico Olympic team
3.0A delicacy
2.9London Olympics 2012
2.9Sporting Quotes 3
2.8Love Juice
more...




E-mail this joke to your friends
None of the names or e-mail addresses you enter will be stored or used for any other purpose than sending this joke.
Your nameYour e-mail address
Your friends name(s)Your friends e-mail address(es)
Optional comment
30 Ways to be Offensive at a Funeral
1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.
2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
4. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
7. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
11. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
12. Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
13. Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
14. Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
15. Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.
16. Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
17. Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
18. Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
19. Take up a collection to pay off the deceased' gambling debts.
20. Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.
21. Put crazy Glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss.
22. Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.
23. If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.
24. When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.
25. Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.
26. At the cemetery take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
27. Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.
28. Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.
29. Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes.
30. Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.
You can rate this joke at
http://www.funny-haha.co.uk/LinkIn.asp?J=102
Latest Jokes
3.3More Horsemeat Jokes... Now With Added Shergar
3.4Horsemeat Jokes
2.9The ultimate ethnic joke
3.8Monkey
1.7Knock Knock 8
1.1Interupting sheep
2.1Snake School
2.4Scared Numbers
2.3Olympic Tan
2.3Job Applications

Subscribe to our Friday Joke email and receive the funniest jokes every Friday, totally free and with no ads.
Click here for more details
, or just enter your email address and press subscribe

unsubscribe
"Wiitastic" - all things Wii, in blog format!
20010 - Bitscape ltdContact Us | Privacy Policy