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One Line Actor
An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I've got you a job" says his agent. "That's great" says the actor, what is it?"
"Well" says his agent "it's a one-liner"
"That's okay" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything; What's the line?"
"Hark I hear the cannons roar" says the agent.
"Hark I hear the cannons roar?" the actor questions.
"Yes, hark I hear the cannons roar" confirms the agent.
"I love it" says the actor "When's the audition?"
"Wednesday" says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts: "Hark I hear the cannons roar".
"Brilliant" says the director, "you've got the job, be here 9 o'clock Saturday evening".
The actor is so ecstatic that he got the job that he leaves and heads straight to his favourite bar and goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening, after his bender, and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line; "Hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons
roar, hark I hear the cannons roar". He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the bouncer.
"Who the hell are you?" asks the bouncer.
"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"Yes, I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're late, get up to makeup straight away."
So he runs up to make up continually repeating his line; "Hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar".
"Who the hell are you" asks the makeup girl.
"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar'?"
"Yes, I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're late, sit down here" and she applies the makeup. "Now quick, get down to the stage, you're about to go on"
So he dashes down to the stage continually repeating his line; "Hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar".
"Who the hell are you" asks the stage manager.
"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar'?"
"Yes, I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"Get on there, the curtains about to go up!"
So he tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full.
Suddenly from behind him comes an enormously loud blast. BANG!
The actor shouts "F**K ME, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!!!!"

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