Bar Jokes
3.9The Blind Mans Blonde Joke
3.4Embarrassing situations!
3.4Monkey Business
3.3Blind guy in a lesbian bar
3.3Two dwarfs go into a bar...
3.3The Drunken Man
3.2Bartender psychiatrist
3.220 shots...
3.2An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy
3.26 shots!
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New Slang Phrases
AEROPLANE BLONDE - One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS - Similar to a French kiss, but given down under.

BADLY PACKEDKEBAB - A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.

BEAVER LEAVER - A homosexual.

BREAKING THE SEAL - Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours Of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS - Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britney's please, Doreen".

BRUCE LEE - Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).

DOUBLE BASS - A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

DRINK-LINK - A modern term for a cash point machine (ATM). Named so becauseit is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

ETCH-A-SKETCH - Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling with both of her nipples simultaneously.

FRIGMAROLE - Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

F@CKSH1TF@CKSH1TF@CKSH1T- The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

GOING FOR A McSh1t - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McSh1t with Lies.

GREYHOUND - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT - A vigorous masturbation session.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staffs at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of raining.

MILLENIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonder bra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually F@ck-all worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MUMBLER - An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can seethe 'lips moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.

MYSTERY BUS- The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

NBR (No Beers Required) - Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

NELSON MANDELA - Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).

ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE - The need to defecate imminently.

PEARL HARBOUR- Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip in the air.

PICASSO @rse - A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

RAGMAN'S COAT - Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I bet she's got a kebab like a ragman's coat!"

RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE - To defecate e.g. "I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping out to release a chocolate hostage".

SALAD DODGER - An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

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