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Alternative job definitions
ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.
BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.
BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an asshole dressed like a child.
CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time,and then charges you for it.
DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey.
ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi" which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them..
PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience
PROGRAMMER: Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.
STATISTICIAN: Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer.
PRIEST: Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him "uncle".
UROLOGIST: Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with disgust, then charges you as if he'd sucked it.

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