School Jokes
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3.4Analogies, similes & metaphors found in high school essays
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Homer on Food
Lisa: Do you have any fruit?
Homer: [offers some of the donut he's eating] This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.

Homer: Marge, where's that... metal deely... you use to... dig... food...
Marge: You mean, a spoon?
Homer: Yeah, yeah!

Homer: Donuts...is there anything they CAN'T do?

[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]
Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer: Lisa honey, are you saying you're _never_ going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Lisa: Dad! Can't you have some other type of party, one where you don't serve meat?
Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Homer: The slim lazy Homer you knew is dead. Now I'm a big fat dynamo! And where's that cake?

Homer: Oh, Marge. I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwitch.

Marge: Well, maybe our next anniversary will be more romantic. Aww, look, Homey, our wedding cake!
Homer: You mean there's been cake in our freezer for eleven years? Why was I not informed?

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