|Homer on TV|
|Homer: When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!|
Homer: Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her -- during the commercial.
Lisa: It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.
Homer: Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television.
Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. "Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now let's go back to that...building...thingy, where our beds and TV...is.
Homer: Ah, TV respects me. It laughs _with_ me, not at me!
Marge: I want you to throw away these old calendars and TV Guides.
Homer: Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? And these TV Guides: so many memories.
Homer: It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.
Homer: I hate all the programs Marge likes, but it's no big deal. You know why?
Sideshow Bob: Go on.
Homer: Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for looooove. [puts his hand on Marge's lap]
Marge: [smiles, takes his hand]
Marge: It's not like you go to museums or read books or anything.
Homer: You think I don't want to? It's those TV networks, Marge, they won't let me. One quality show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the last. If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes to ourselves, but they won't! They won't let me live!
Bart: Dad, thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago. [Everyone laughs uproariously except Bart] No, really, I can't! It's a serious problem. [Everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too] What are we all laughing about?
Homer: [joyously] Who cares? Anyways...
Lisa: Sorry, Dad, we _do_ believe in you, we really do.
Bart: It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than you have.
Homer: Oh, maybe TV _is_ right. TV's _always_ right!
Homer: Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh.
Smithers: Simpson, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?
Homer: I made a bad mistake and Lenny sent me home to think about what I did. I don't remember what it was, so I'm watching TV.
Homer: Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.
Marge: This should be a time... for communication.
Homer: That's a good idea, dear. Bart, turn on the TV.
Homer: Well, here we are. The whole family. All together, sharing, getting to know each other, exchanging ideas, stories and laughs, snuggling up, bonding together as only a tightly-knit family can. Why, we're more than a...
Bart: Dad, you can stop now. The commercial's over. The show's back on.
Homer: Oh. Oh, yeah.
Homer: Dear God, just give me one channel!
Homer: Come on, Marge, I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls. I'm sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero...I want to _live_, Marge! Won't you let me _live_? Won't you please?!
Homer: Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.