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Showers
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off clothing and place it in basket named laundry according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Use conditioner with real passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots and wipe any wet patches.

Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile where they fall.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake your kn*b at her making the woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your kn*b and scratch your @rse.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Take a pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.

Dry off forearms and @rse only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire your kn*b's size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, lights on and toilet seat up

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. (if it's not lying on bathroom floor)

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake your kn*b at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed...

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